Tatka Ffurious (ffurious) wrote in english4us,
Tatka Ffurious
ffurious
english4us

Amusing definitions

CIGARETTE:

A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!

* * *

MARRIAGE:

It's an agreement
wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master

* * *

DIVORCE:

Future Tense
of Marriage

* * *

LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either


* * *

CONFERENCE:

The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present

* * *

COMPROMISE:

The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece

* * *

TEARS:

The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!

* * *

DICTIONARY:

A place where divorce comes
before marriage

* * *

CONFERENCE ROOM:

A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on

* * *

ECSTASY:

A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
a feeling
you have never felt before

* * *

CLASSIC:

A book
which people praise,
but never read

* * *

SMILE:

A curve
that can set
a lot of things straight!

* * *

OFFICE:

A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life

* * *

YAWN:

The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
their mouth

* * *

ETC:

A sign
to make others believe
that you know
more than
you actually do

* * *

COMMITTEE:

Individuals
who can do
nothing individually
and sit to decide
that nothing can be done
together

* * *

EXPERIENCE:

The name
men give
to their
Mistakes

* * *

ATOM BOMB:

An invention
to bring an end
to all
inventions

* * *

PHILOSOPHER:

A fool
who torments himself
during life,
to be spoken of
when dead

* * *

DIPLOMAT:

A person
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip

* * *

OPPORTUNIST:

A person
who starts taking bath
if he
accidentally falls
into a river

* * *

OPTIMIST:

A person
who while falling
from EIFFEL TOWER
says in midway
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

* * *

PESSIMIST:

A person
who says that
O is the last letter
in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter
in OPPORTUNITY

* * *

MISER:

A person
who lives poor
so that
he can die RICH!

* * *

FATHER:

A banker
provided by
nature

* * *

CRIMINAL:

A guy
no different
from the other,
unless he gets caught

* * *

BOSS:

Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early

* * *

POLITICIAN:

One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your confidence
later

* * *

DOCTOR:

A person
who kills
your ills
by pills,
and kills you
by bill.
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